I hate the word as well. Especially when they categorize any and all personal feelings toward them as "transference". I argued with my T about this a few times and I think she's pretty clear where I am coming from now.
She once compared how I'd feel about her death (devastated, sorry for her family, etc) to finding out someone I went to high school with died- whether we were friends or not. She said "it's sad either way and natural for us to shed a few tears". I basically said "oh HELL no..." and told her losing her would feel similar to losing a family member.

As others have said, I have definitely felt transference...But as you stated, I am also aware when I am experiencing transference or projecting; However I have seen her ugly side many times as well as her nurturing and caring side and I have never wavered in how I feel about her. I care for her just the same, but I do get mad at her as I do in any normal relationship.