I don't know where else to put this, i keep clicking on different forums and deciding that it's not the right one. I don't know where this falls. I just put it here since I do have depression. My thoughts are scattered all over the place. I can't think straight right now and it's taking me forever just to write this one paragraph.

I've had pretty bad anxiety lately for some reason. I'm not sure if it's the meds or my situation, or whatever. I have been trying to find a job for almost three months now and haven't heard anything from anybody. I think nobody likes me, there must be somebody giving me a bad reference. I stay at home all day by myself while my boyfriend goes to work like 50 hours a week for only $8/hr. I have to get him to help me pay my bills even though I don't want him to have to. We're living in his parents' house right now because we're trying to clean up the old house next door so we can move in it. His parents' house is cluttered because his mom likes to get multiples of stuff for whatever reason, and his grandparents' stuff is in here too for the most part. They passed away like four or five years ago I think. And his parents are in their sixties. ( His mom had him in her forties). The clutter is stressing me out, I have nowhere to put my stuff, I have all my stuff in boxes in a spare bedroom for the last three months. My boyfriend has his bedroom to put his stuff and it stays messy because he has no storage room either. I really really need somewhere clean and neat to live, I've lost it several times because I can't stand it. My mom has been stressing me out too because she's been an asshole to me and hates my boyfriend even though he hasn't done anything to make her hate him.

I want to lost weight so bad but I don't have any means to exercise right now and I just feel like a fat lazy slob. I'm so self conscious and none of my clothes fit except a few shirts and one pair of pants.

I've also been very angry and irritable for a while now and apparently I've been very moody. I've been feeling weird lately, I'm not sure what it is or why. I thought I was going crazy because I keep hearing people talking but I know it isn't anyone here because during the day no one is here. Yesterday morning I thought I heard a woman's voice say something, I don't remember what it was but I know it was in my head.

I've been physically hurting too, like my whole body is sore. I keep waking up with cricks in my neck. I feel like I'm falling apart.

Last night my boyfriend and I were goofing around and he was playing with me sexually. I didn't want to do anything because I was hurting but I gave in anyway. It turned into rollplaying a rape and he got a little rough with me and I got upset and started crying. I've never been raped before or anything like that. I don't know why I cried.

I'm such a wreck. I've been dx with depression and social anxiety but I think there's more to it than that. I have just been acting really weird and angry and moody lately. Does anybody have any idea what the hell is going on with me? I pologize for the lack of organization of my thoughts. I just need some direction and help. :'(