I am so tired of my emotions. They feel incredibly chaotic and I have no control over them. Nothing can be happening and I can feel myself cycle through different emotions all the time. I don't really show them (much) because I am a rather quiet person but right now I am incredibly pissed off. I feel unstable. I wish I could keep a constant emotional state and only have it change when something actually happens. I was laughing/happy literally 10 minutes ago and now I am pissed off for no reason.

I don't even know anymore. I'm tired of just being me. Everything is pissing me off. Things that shouldn't piss me off are pissing me off. I feel like I have a lot pent up rage that I don't let out. I just feel it swirl around inside. Trying to let it out in a positive manner doesn't work. I'll exercise. I'll punch stuff. It never stops the rage. I am angry at my situation. At myself. I also feel like everyone is against me so I sort of hate everyone.

Just being alive is an unending fuel-source for rage.

I was talking to someone and they recommended I make a thread about it. This rage is giving me nightmares and affecting my sleep I think. Giving me very violent dreams that wake me up shortly after falling asleep. I hurt others in my nightmares usually.

I feel guilt. I feel shame. I constantly remind myself of all my past failures and feel guilty/shameful about them.

Thinking of my future pisses me off the most. I feel incredibly pissed off about it. I just want to destroy everything.

Of course I will just continue to fake a smile and continue being a "nice person."

I am so angry. I feel like I get this angry every day and nothing triggers it except being awake. I can't even count backwards from 10 I am so pissed.

People will be wondering if I have been playing violent video games. Watching anything violent.

No I haven't been playing anything violent and I've been trying to keep my mind of anything violent by watching comedies. I don't even like action movies that much. All I have been doing is support forums for the past 2 weeks and I feel like utter ****. Enraged at myself.

Reaching the end of this post I feel like I have calmed down again. Cycling emotions like I said.