Dear MammaKay3,

It is a difficult situation for all that are involved, especially the children who learn how to manage emotions and circumstances through parental behavior.

Telling him he needs help, he hears that there is something wrong with him.

Sometimes men just need their "space", they don't want you to solve their problems.
You cannot make him "happy", and now you are being infected, feeling defeated, including physical anxiety with panic attacks. I hope that you seek out professional help for yourself.

The children need at least one stable parent try not acting emotional to his tactics.
Talk to your children one on one and ask them how they are doing/feeling.
Don't put Dad down! (not saying you are/would) but allowing free expression of how they feel will give you a better understanding if therapy would be good for them too.

2 years is a long time of being depressed and being with a depressed person.
A lot of times when one person goes for therapy they learn coping skills and if you integrate
these in the home things will slowly start to change.

I hope things improve, I wish you and your family well and thanks for sharing.
There are many people who are living just like you, so reach out, someone will answer.
Happiedasiy.