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Old Jun 25, 2014, 09:40 AM
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amandalouise amandalouise is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,171
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveAll7 View Post
My friend has alters. We weren't in a relationship but had been pursuing each other all our lives since school. We drifted apart around 5 years ago. This happened when, in an argument, I mentioned that he had told me about his alters and he didn't talk to me after that.

He had told me months ago, that "we" wouldn't work. But I kept going to see him and talk to him about why I couldn't do anything/respond/say anything that would make him believe that there was hope, (this is about the time when he was pursuing me.My actions probably spoke more. I didn't pursue any other man or let anyone else come close to me. I was also very shy and awkward. So, I thought, maybe he understands. And he did too. He pursued me after he'd changed schools... coz I was suffering from severe depression and PTSD because of childhood sexual abuse and I had noone to turn to for help) Back then, this is 2 years before I started therapy, I thought I was trying to make him like me. But I really wasn't. I was still hurting myself, habitually. I went there and sabotaged any chance I had with him (told him whatever little things I had done that bordered on dangerous.. but I told him the truth. He asked me if I'd been with anyone else. But I hadn't. So, I told him that.The only thing I lied about was about lying. I told him I lied a lot.. but I didn't lie to him.) This was to make it easy for him to deal with disappointing me. This is also because he's very sensitive and he didn't like saying no to me. So, I decided to do whatever I could to make him believe that it was good for him to say no to me.
So, it probably just looked like me justifying my actions, but it was really sharing my life.

So when I was sharing details about my life, he told me it wouldn't change anything. He told me he thought I had lose ends to tie.. he asked me to get busy..

I really thought I was fine then and that I needed to help him. I had read a little bit about MPD on the internet and seen the wrong videos. I was worried and wanted to do something to help. But because I'd known him a long time, I knew I couldn't ask him to do anything that could imply that I wanted to change him. I know therapy doesn't mean you change.. I've been in therapy for 4 years.. It has made me more whole.

I don't want to change him, but I was aware that bringing up therapy would put him off.. So, I didn't.. but even just at the mention of alters, he got up and asked me to leave.

I think the moment was just so wrong. But I know that now. I didn't realize it then or in the past many years thanks to my suffering and coping

The moment when I was saying, well, you're not listening to me.. and I just said " remember you told me about alters" ...

How can I help him now? How can I suggest therapy. He is running away.. he is not doing the things he always wanted to do. He did well in acads always, went to good colleges but is working in a small city. to stay away from it all.
How can I help him? I am desparate.. Please help me.
Im sorry but you cant help him now. according to this post and your post yesterday http://forums.psychcentral.com/partn...ml#post3831273 (which I also replied to) he has made it clear he doesnt want contact with you.

my suggestion is maybe you can get some therapy for yourself before worrying about trying to get him treatment. he is the only one that can decide for him whether he should get therapy or not for himself and his alters. obtaining therapy for you may help you to understand why he doesnt want contact with you and help you to find happiness without him until he chooses to come to you rather than you chasing after him when he doesnt want contact with you.

in my other reply I also suggested maybe you can research the laws in your location because if you were here in america what you are trying to do is grounds for getting arrested and prosecuted for stalking, harassment, and other things too.

you can not force someone to get treatment nor can you force someone to be in contact with you under the grounds of just wanting to get him treatment. thats not how getting someone treatment works.

here in the USA everyone has rights...rights to make their own mental and physical decisions including whether they want treatment and whether they want to be in contact with another.....

the only way someone who is not the person needing treatment can force another into treatment here in the USA is if they go to court and are awarded guardianship over them or if the person is a danger to their self or others, in which case they call the police and the police take that person who may be a danger to their self or others for an evaluation. that doesnt mean they will get treatment. it just means two psychiatrists make the decision of whether this person is a danger to their self or others.

people who ....already....have contact with their loved one can .....suggest...to that person they see someone for mental health care but that person does not.....have to....go and do that.

my suggestion is back off this guy before you end up causing him more mental harm or he takes steps to legally keep you away from him. if its meant to be he will come looking for you when he is ready for contact with you.

Last edited by amandalouise; Jun 25, 2014 at 10:19 AM. Reason: spelling