I haven't felt the need to do it for a few years, but I think I'm going to go crazy til I get the Easter get-together out of the way tomorrow (I so need to see my babies), see if the deal with my uncle still stands, work my 3.5 hour shift (I had to sick out today), then go check myself into the hospital. Yesterday, I felt like I was on the brink of one of my manic episodes, and although I feel a lot of that is bubbling under the surface, something awful, ugly and blacker than pitch is starting to make it's way up. I need to get straightened around. This is so hard. I feel less in control on the meds than I did before them. I took 200 of the Seroquel last night... it's like it cancelled out the Lexapro. I don't like that I'm being pulled by the poles... I'm scared. So the plan is at about 10:00 tomorrow night, I'm going to admit myself to the ward at the University... probably the best place in the state for me to be. I'll be on and off of here all day... I'm going to try and get my house all straightened around and get things here inorder for when I finally come back here... hopefully feeling better. I love you guys. You are helping me... thank you!