It's weird how similar our stories are. Mine's a lot like it.

But when they first approached the dx, I was very against it. I've mentioned this on here before, but I always heard awful stories about those with bipolar disorder (a lot are exaggerated, and even more are just people mislabeling other people). I took mood stabilizers until I thought I was okay and took myself off them. Wrong choice. I went swiftly downhill and my denial about my illness turned into outright anger and fear. Then, in the early hours of a January morning, I tried to take my life. I passed out, woke up, didn't tell anyone. But for some reason it was a defining moment for me. I told myself "Okay, I think I might have this disorder" and accepted my doctor's advice. It still took a while because of insurance, but it's been a year and a few months and I'm on meds again.

Accepting it really hinders on one's resources. If you have people who support and understand you, good doctors, and meds that work for you, it's much easier to deal with. Sometimes I have long crying sessions because this illness can often feel like a death sentence for me, but I always climb back up and try to see it differently. It's hard, but I'm trying.