Yesterday, I was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder. I was placed on Lamictal. Okay...back up. A brief history of myself: I was born in a West African country, migrated to US in 1998. I have suffered from panic and anxiety for as long as I can remember but in my culture, mental illness is a taboo, hence I went undiagnosed and untreated. Well, in the last three years, after summoning the courage to seek help (in disguise) I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, panic disorder, anxiety disorder and my favorite...major depressive disorder. I am currently Culturally Schizophrenic (one foot in America, another in Africa). I have only just begun to accept my illness have been compliant. I have only just begun to tell friends of my depress. How can I deal with this? My family don't even know I was hospitalized for suicidal tendencies. The don't know I have been suicidal on five occasions in the past year. I have been rapid cycling for the last two years. I can't deal with this new diagnosis right now. I am in total shock!!! I can't believe I am mentally ill. If anyone one back home find out, it will ruin my family. What do I do? How do I go on? Is life really worth living when you have little or no control? How can I meet and marry a man when I have to tell him my secret? How can I describe my life as full when I am on four different medications? How did I get here? Why me?