I know the feelings that you've written all too well, handcuffed is a great way to descirbe it. I've also heard it referred to as the cold gray hand of death just about to tap you on the shoulder and seemingly there at all times; but I'm inclined to join with the others that suggest to do some of the simplest things first...I keep on going because I once knew life without this horrible illness, and I'm determined to know it like that once again...I do hope that things get better for you, even if just a little bit.