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Transference is that set of ways of perceiving and responding to the world which is developed in childhood and which is usually entirely appropriate to the childhood environment (indeed, often life-saving) but which is inappropriately transferred into the adult environment. p. 46, M. Scott Peck, MD, The Road Less Traveled
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I think your self-deprecation and death wishes are tools you employ to motivate yourself. You do not believe your pronouncements, but have difficulty renouncing the distortions that have served you in the past to survive but no longer are appropriate and, in fact, are dangerous.