My best friend said once, that I refused to allow myself to be happy. I didn't know what the hell she was on about (I was 19)...I've since grown and realized she wasn't far off the mark. It's difficult to embrace happy when you know unhappy and hurt are right around the corner...like the unsuspecting fool going downstairs into the basement to check out the 'noise'.....and leaving perfectly enjoyable company to do it.

Like I can't help just .....missing it. Or getting slammed by the flipside.

'Happy' to me is elusive. I only glimpse and it runs back into the forest from whence it came.