I talked to an MH warm line last night. They're not quite a crisis line but for about a half an hour you can talk to a compassionate listener. I've read as much material as I want to on BPD and complex PTSD. I have a BA in psych so I have a general academic understanding. That doesn't help me emotionally, though. Reading about it and even journaling is triggering me right now. I haven't been officially diagnosed with these things either. They just seem to come very close to what I'm experiencing. I even took them off my PC profile because I was never diagnosed. My T isn't "qualified" to diagnose me. I think he suspects I could have both.

I'm going to try to do some mixed media art. I'm hoping it will take my mind off things. I don't want to oil paint because then I'll be pressured to create "real art."