Hey all,

I'm involved in a wonderful internal battle at the minute.

I have entered into an agreement to go 100 days sober - no drink, coffee or cigs. That's fine. I'll be completing that with a strong will and gritted teeth.

My biggest question is what's the point? I know that a life away from short term immediate gratification is ultimately going to be more satisfying and rewarding. I've heard many sober people say this. I'm 22 years old, and if I have to abstain for my entire life, I'll be full of contempt.

Sometimes, I think that I can enjoy sobriety. I do. I love sitting in a coffee shop, reading, or drawing. I enjoy writing. I love sport, both playing and watching, and I love my family. Great.

But sometimes I just want to get out of my own head, cut loose and blow out.

I guess I need to defeat that mode of thinking. I feel like I've been sent to the naughty corner at school, but in this instance I'm the teacher and the pupil, and it looks like I'm gonna be in that corner forever, facing the wall while the rest of the class throw paper aeroplanes.

Just to let you know, I'm blogging my 100 days if you want to follow:

https://potionsandpills.wordpress.com/