I guess I need more rambling...

At last session T was telling me how stabilization methods are important, as she thinks that I dissociate a bit almost all the time by cutting off all my emotions. Of course I do not like any stabilization methods, they seem to be boring and obvious and talking about them is for me like wasting the time... T thinks, however, that when we go deeper into the topic they might be necessarily as all emotions may come out and it will be very difficult... But when I came back from the session I've realized that I do not agree with it as in my opinion I do not separate any emotions, I just do not show them... But I always felt and feel everything very intensive, so probably that's the reason why I do not agree that it will be worse when we go deeper and that stabilization methods won't help much...

And for not known reason, yesterday I decided to let my T know about it by sending an e-mail... I haven't sent any e-mail to her for last weeks as I was doing pretty well, so now probably she'll think that I am in a crisis or whatever... But most probably she won't respond, as she says that if I need her to respond I have to let her know about it... And I didn't as I didn't need, but now I do... Few times even when I didn't ask for any response, she still emailed me back, so now I hope that she'll do the same and this hope irritates me even more... Like I want her to read in my minds... I could send her a short e-mail like "btw. I'd like you to respond to my previous e-mail if possible" but then I'd look even more pitifully... So the only way is to wait till Tuesday but the lack of her response just makes me not wanting to show up at all, and every hour I'm getting more and more anxious...