Thanks all!

Zinco, you speak with a lot of wisdom and I really appreciate that.

A few things I've left out. For the last 4 months I have been drinking with naltrexone. This has drastically changed my relationship with alcohol - I don't go on until the sun rises when I do drink. Has it 'cured' my drinking problem? No. My first port of call when I want a release is a vodka martini. This makes me think that my drinking problem is behavioural, rather than chemical/biological, and im hoping that I can change these habits, and drink without serious problems in the future.

But hey ho. What do I know? Im prepared for the discovery that this is denial/wishful thinking. In the meantime, green tea in the local cafe and a well written novel will be my weekend highlight. Who knows. I may even sneak a Dr Pepper.