I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem like communication is the issue here. This guy is in his 40s, has a decent job, but lives with his mother because his ex complained about him living with you and he spends all of his money on expensive clothes and food? There's just one red flag after another there. Is it possible that your clock ticking is driving you to desperation?

If you really want to be with him, I think the only thing you can do is accept that this is who he is and learn to live with it.