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Old Apr 06, 2007, 08:39 PM
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Juliana Juliana is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 887
There are people here who could answer this question much better than I. I have read some of Maven's posts in which she has eloquently expressed what OCD feels like. Take a look for some of her posts. She has given me a lot of insight into OCD.

I had very, very mild OCD and it has gotten much better. It's something that only affects me when I'm extremely stressed out and am not distracted by other things. So, it usually just affects me when I'm trying to fall asleep. I count syllables and need them to end on a multiple of 5.

It started when I was a little girl. There were things I HAD to do and I KNEW that if I didn't do them, something horrible would happen. I would remember things people had said -- a phrase or a sentence -- and I would have to count out the syllables on my fingers until they ended on a multiple of 5. I also used to have to get the edge of my bedroom curtain to stay tucked behind my windowsill. I would give myself 5 tries to get it to stay and if it didn't, I would be filled with terror that something was going to happen to my family. I also used to do piano fingering while lying in bed or sitting and watching tv. It was always the same piece of music and I would "play" the right hand part while the left-hand "played" a mirror image of the same notes. If I made a mistake, I would have to start over. So, for me, it was my mind constantly telling me that I had to do these things. I couldn't NOT do them. I did them to make myself feel safe. If I didn't do them, or couldn't do them properly, I was terrified. It was an attempt to have some CONTROL in a world in which I can't control many things.

I am very fortunate that I have never had severe OCD though. It has never controlled my life like it does for some people. Agoraphobia, panic attacks and depression have been my main demons.
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