I'm actually not on any medication or seeing anyone. I felt like I should though. It's hard not to hate myself when I am the one that ruins everything for myself. The 100 coping score makes sense because I really can't cope at all. Everything just destroys me. The process of therapy and medication further annoys and humiliates me. I used to go to therapy and take medication but it didn't work out. Not like I tried a lot of meds. I am the reason no one likes me. I always manage to push people away. Everyone hates me. It's not paranoia. Everyone actually hates me. The ones who don't I somehow manage to find a way to shove a finger in their eye.

I have tried a lot of techniques to calm down. Writing. Watching something lighthearted. Drawing. Punching stuff. I have a boxing bag. Exercise. It may help for a bit but I feel like I have no control over what I am feeling. Sometimes the above techniques piss me off more or more commonly make me depressed because I just feel worthless

I feel so confused.