It's more than just shame (although I suppose that's still a big part), but it's just that I never have enough in common with other people. If someone were to tell me I was an alien from another planet, it wouldn't surprise me at all.

Also, it's not that people don't want me around, it just seems like people want me around for the wrong reasons. I'm useful to them. I have a car so if they need a car, I'm useful. If they need someone to help them pack etc., I'm there because my time is pretty flexible. I don't have kids, a relationship, or a regular 9-5 job. Nor do I start school again until late August. So I'm very useful because I'm not busy to the extent a normal person is. And I have skills and talents that I suspect that if I didn't have, no one would bother even acknowledging my existence.

Now that I've become less "available", I've become more or less invisible. Or maybe people are just leaving me alone now for some other reason, who knows.

I just can't connect with other people even if we have everything in common. There's still nothing to talk about. Besides, what's the point of me talking when nothing I say makes sense or means anything to other people? I just sit and listen, but even that isn't good enough for them! I mean, be happy that you found someone who can listen to you rant about XYZ for hours and doesn't mind! Why should you care if I ever get to speak or express myself? It's not like you understand anything I say.

And the communication is getting WORSE, not better. Now, apparently my explanations of simple things are not understood. And here I was going to teach at the college level someday, but if my explanations of simple things are apparently in a language foreign to humans.