(((((lilredridinghood)))))
you can only leave when YOU are ready to do so. It took me 8yrs of abuse and 2 brief separations (one of 6 weeks, one of 5 months) before I finally became a single parent to my 2 girls in March last year. Before then I was like you- feeling guilty about my part in the relationship- like you I use my mouth to fight as he was much stronger than me, and I couldn't contemplate sorting anything out for myself or even being able to 'make it' on my own. As it was, this time I refused to leave the house, so had he not finally given in and moved out he quite possibly would still be here today. The way I stopped the physical abuse was when I was 3mths pregnant with my 1st and finally called the cops. It never stopped the verbal and emotional abuse, and now he is trespassed from my place as he continues to abuse me, but being away from it all has helped me grow into a much better person. It has also helped my daughters- I didn't realise how much it was hurting them until it was all over. They are still young- 3 & 7, but there has been a significant impact on them. My littlest has gone from a scared clingy developmentally delayed child to an (overly) confident happy, DEFINITELY NOT devpmtly delayed child. There have been non-stop positive comments from 100% of ppl who see me on how well I am doing and the changes in the girls. But as I said, I didn't leave when I SHOULD have, it happened when I was strong enough and ready to cope with life on my own. (He also had several overdoses which were, in hindsight, him kinda punishing me and making me sit up and take notice and run around after him). I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do, and please feel free to PM me if you wanna talk, or ask anything, or just offload . Irish