Over the past 2-1/2 years I have overcome a lot of phobias. I have gone from having severe agoraphobia to leading a full life again. I faced my phobias and conquered them one by one -- using medication, CBT and exposure... and practice, practice, practice...

There's one phobia left that I just can't make myself face, though. It's escalators that are going DOWN. The strange this is, it's not ALL down escalators. It's only certain ones. There are some escalators in the mall near where I work that I'm okay with using. They have walls on either side and that seems to be why I'm not afraid of them. I use them every day, so I thought my escalator phobia was getting better.

I decided to go to a movie the other night -- haven't been to a theatre since 2000. I stopped being phobic about theatres a while ago, but this was the first time I was actually going to see a movie in a theatre since then, so that was a good feeling.

On my way to the cinema, though, I was faced with a steep escalator (with no walls around it). I had to go down to the cinema level to meet my friend, but I couldn't make myself go within 5 feet of the top of the escalator. I tried to take the elevator, but there was something wrong with it and it wouldn't go down one level. The door just kept opening and I would find myself on the same floor. I asked a clerk in a shop if there were stairs and she said there was only a fire exit, so I couldn't use that. I tried to MAKE myself go on the escalator, but I couldn't even get close to the top step. It was so upsetting because I have been feeling relatively NORMAL lately and this made me feel like I did when I was agoraphobic. The fear was just so overwhelming. I could not make myself get near the escalator. I thought I was going to just have to go home and call my friend later and apologize for not being able to meet her.

Anyway, I know this is a long story... I eventually managed to get down to the next level by getting in the elevator, going up 7 floors and then hitting the button for the lowest level. It took me all the way down to where I wanted to go and I was able to meet my friend and see the movie. If the elevator hadn't worked, I would have had to go home, though.

I don't know how to get over this phobia. Facing the fear and white-knuckling through it has worked for all my other phobias, but I can't even make myself take a step towards this one. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I'll find myself in a work situation where I have to use an escalator and I will find myself terrified and motionless... Ugh.