This is one of the first posts I have read and I can relate. I know normally talking about killing yourself casually is frowned upon, but I have found myself lately having an inner struggle so again, I can relate to your inner struggle. You honestly feel that not being around would make things much more simple BUT also know that it's not a way to make anything better and would in fact make things much worse for those that care about you. I find myself struggling with that a lot, that and the fact that like you I just don't have the balls to actually do it. But thanks to good old depression rearing it's ugly head it doesn't seem like it's something you can always just NOT think about. You are not alone in this and I want you to know that. I applaud you for realizing that it's not the route to take, as I know that sometimes it is more tempting then we want to admit. This tough time will soon pass and you will be able to look back and say well, that really sucked but I got through it.