Thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Like Curiosity77 said, you have to ride it out. It will pass.

You need to give yourself a break. Life's difficult right now but it's not your fault and I think deep down you know it. This is just the distorted thinking going on. Try not to get a head of yourself in terms of your career right now. I'm 50 and in the same situation as you but first things first, I need to take care of me first, and that's what you need to do right now.
You know your thinking is going to make you feel worse

Maybe you don't need the ER yet, but please keep an eye on it. I trust that you are aware of what steps you need to take, and when.

And I'm wondering why you would have that much medication in the house. I hope you're not hoarding.

Be safe. PM anytime.