hugs to you.

I had a similar - if not exactly the same revelation recently. I don't have anything to offer on how to overcome it, because like you I am still working on it... Other than that I now try very hard to be completely present while I am in a sexual situation with my lovely man instead of dissociating and going off into that strange head space that has been habitual for so long (thankfully he is very patient, a very assured lover, and knows that there is stuff going on with me).

I am analytical and pragmatic, so my responses may not suit everyone, but I found this very uncomfortable topic easier to approach from the fantasy angle than from the recovering from abuse angle in terms of the psychology of why those things appeal to you (even though you know why in a sense) which then allows a more frank and open examination for yourself of what is actually enjoyable to you and what is a survival mechanism associated with your abuse. It's a journey though, and a very private one at that.