Quote:
Originally Posted by marjan
I have good relationship with his kids.
|
I thought that is nice and then I saw this:
Quote:
|
His son is very spoiled and cries out of every single things.
|
How do you have a good relationship with a child that you think so lowly of?
Quote:
|
He keeps teaching me what his son likes and what his daughter needs and what I have to do for him. I'm getting really tired of all the demands that he has.
|
You're with a man with children, get used to it, he's trying to help you to deal with his kids since if you married him you would be marrying not just him but his kids too would be part of it. how is that too much to ask?
Quote:
I'm getting to the point that he doesn't add any value to my life, and he's taking my time away from me.
I really want to have a child and be married and have a life.
|
Sounds more like the idea that you're worried more about whether you can get what you want out of him moreso than you're interested in spending your life with a guy you love. I see no love here, I see need and desperation for marriage and a child. You sure that you love him?
Quote:
|
He makes good money, (he's a lawyer) but he spent the money on clothing and dinning out. Then he drives the dirtiest oldest car that I don't like to get into it.
|
Honestly, you're not even married to the guy yet and you're making judgements and expecting changes in him. Marriage and a relationship that works requires acceptance and support not trying to make the person fit into your set of values.
Quote:
|
I tell him to cut down some of your dinning out, and you can easily buy a new car. He doesn't care.
|
A new car? Do you see what's happening here? you value a new car, he values other things. I myself do not see the point of a new car and I drive an 11 yr old one and I sure as heck hope the girl I meet will accept that this is my choice and doesn't try to change my perspective on this.
Quote:
|
Basically, he doesn't have a house, or a good car. He has two kids which brings so much complexity to our relationship.
|
Not every man believes a new house and car is the end all I don't. I rent because I see no point in a house I can not take with me in the end. Right now I like living in an apartment and dont' have a need to own. I resent the idea that you would judge a man by his financial value.
Quote:
|
In one hand, I see him such a good person, caring, loving; but then when things don't go the way that he wants, he gets to be the meanest person exists.
|
This is one area I would say that he is wrong in. I don't know the specifics related to his meanness at all so I can't comment but if he's mean that's not right. That being said, looking at all of the resentment and anger you have at him for his lifestyle I wonder how often he gets tired of hearing about how you think he should do this, that or the other thing.
Quote:
I don't know what to do?
I'm thinking I'm getting really old to have a child and I feel he's my last chance, but at the same time he's taking my time (already a year and a half)!
|
This is the kicker here. You feel he is your last chance at what? marriage? Kids? I have yet to see that "this is the man I love, I want to spend the rest of my life with" kind of thing and more of "i need a kid now, I need to be married and YOU need to change x y and z so I can have that"
Quote:
It's not easy for me to break up with him. I'm so alone here.
What can I do? How can I communicate with him? He complains that I don't listen to him. The reason I don't is that whatever comes out of his mouth is criticizing and mean and I want to stop him. I beg him to give me a break and not talk for a little bit.
I feel he's hammering my head everyday.
I need some hope in my heart and understand how to deal with him. I know he's a good person. I want him in my life, but I got to figure out what to do.
|
you're probably right, you need to back off and cool off from this for a bit. i don't see marriage in the making here at all, honestly.
This is not a judgement on him or you but truthfully I question your motives.
Thanks for any positive feedback
M.[/quote]