I am hesitant to say that by being there for her you are doing everything you can because that makes it sound like a small thing, something not very important.

In fact being there for her and for her family as a very very powerful thing to do. It can be as important, sometimes more important, than the medical treatment that doctors can provide. I am speaking from personal experience from both sides of the fence. Having suffered through several life threatening illnesses, dealing with them with friends around gave me hope for the future and enabled me to get through the treatments. Those treatments would likely not have been as effective if I wasn't able to both have moments of relief with my friends and the ability to share my pain with my friends. My first illness was so difficult I lost my will to live, my friends literally saved my life. The doctors and medicines were necessary but I do not bellieve would have worked on their own.

I have had friends with illness in their family and I have thrown myself into the mix to be there for them and to be supportive. The time and stress were nothing compared to the reward I got out of helping a fellow human being. At one time I risked my job over that and it was a simple decision, the job was what gave me the ability to live (food, shelter, etc) but the connection to people was the reason to live... the point of being alive.

For your daughter, being there for her works as well. It is difficult to "explain" when you don't know the answers either. You can look for purpose, or lessons, many others here have given very good and valid suggestions. But ultimately I believe the human experience is found in asking these questions and looking for answers, not in the answers themselves. Our ability to pose such questions is what makes us human and distinguishes us from all other forms of life that we know of. Sentience is our unique gift and we have to accept the pain that it causes as well as the joy. I don't believe we are meant to hide from the pain, but to experience it, and to share that experience with others. It is normal and healthy for you to feel anger right now.... whatever you are feeling, it is a reminder that you are alive and that you are human, and the same goes for your daughter and for your friends and for their daughter. It sounds like their daughter has really embraced life and has fought for it. Life is not a matter of waiting for death, life is about living it to the best of your ability.

I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is to continue what you are doing. Let her have her fears and express them and talk about them. I am glad you are allowing her to experience this rather than being overprotective... that is something I would believe would be harmful in the short run and in the long run. Allow her this at her own pace... like everything in life, it is not about being all strong or all weak... all success or all failure... it is about finding that proper balance.

In that regard I think it is also important to consider your own balance in this. There will likely be times where it is important to remain "strong" in this, for your friends and for your daughter... but I think it is a mistake to try to be strong all the time just for the sake of being so. Be there when your friends need you to be there, but don't hide your humanness all the time, I think it is more beneficial to allow them to share grief with you sometimes as well as to lean their grief on you at other times. For those times when you do feel you need to put on a stoic mask, be sure you have some avenue to release that pressure, such as posting here, joining a support group, or talking about it with other friends.

{{{{{{wisewoman}}}}}}

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