I wonder if possibly it stems from being taught that the only worth I have as a human being is that of being sexual in nature. The abuse was not only incest from the age of 4, continuing through til I ran away from home at 15, it was also abuse from my narcissistic mother whose only path in life was all about her. The only attention I got was from the incest. The thing I learned was that my worthiness centered around what I could give my father sexually.

As an adult healthy relationships proved impossible. I accepted (and even sought out) relationships and situations that involved abuse...it was the only way I knew to feel as though I was worthy.

I don't know how to break the cycle...even now in when I am in the most healthy relationship I have ever had...I find myself going into that well ingrained default mode. It breaks my heart when I allow myself to think of the horrendous damage done to us.