(((ridinghood))))

Don't blame yourself for this. You can't go back and change the past. You have never and will never DESERVE to be abused.

I haven't been in an abusive relationship, but I've seen what those relationships have done to those around me. My aunt lived with an abusive sexual sadist for many years. He is the father of her son. He broke down her sense of self and it took her many years and a lot of bravery to finally escape from him. She had to run away to another province and change her name to get away from him. Even the police were afraid of him and did nothing to stop him. He ended up abusing his next girlfriend and their children as well and she actually ended up shooting him while he was sleeping.

My aunt came back here after he died and it was the first time she felt safe in many, many years. She ended up in another abusive relationship, though. Having been so beaten down for so long, she didn't think she deserved better. There is hope, though. She went to a women's shelter, got counselling and learned to accept that she deserves better. She has now been married for many years to a man who respects her and treats her very well -- the way she deserves to be treated.

I've seen what abuse does to a person's mind. Don't let your husband convince you that any of it is your fault. It's not your fault. Neither you nor your children have deserved the abuse. No one has the right to hurt you. So what if you have a sharp tongue? So do I, but that doesn't mean it's okay for anyone to treat me badly. The same goes for you. I'm glad you're talking about it now. I hope you can find the strength within yourself to get some help and leave. You and your children deserve happiness. You deserve to feel free and safe.