Hello All,

I know this problem I have isn't common, and most who deal with it normally keep quiet for fear of teasing. My problem is I am being attacked by a spirit. I know how crazy that sounds. My mom and her boyfriend originally thought it was being caused by the bipolar, that I was seeing things kind of thing. I don't see it, I just feel it.

The activity consists of the bed being moved. I weight 380 pounds, yet this spirit can physically lift the mattress off the frame about a inch. That's huge for something without a body. When in my recliner (or any chair) it can bump or otherwise move the chair. I was eating out with my mom at a resturant last month. I kept asking her if there was anyone behind me trying to get by. It felt as if someone was trying to squeeze between my chair and other. Yet she said there was no one behind me. When I looked back the closest table was another two feet from me.

The worst activity though is the sexual touching. Without getting into detail, it consists of mainly fondling and esentially rape with penitration. I can physically feel what feels like someone's manhood being inserted into me. And I'm male. So you can imagine.

In short, it's quite upsetting. Most people don't believe you. If you tell a doctor, they want to admit you to a psych ward and medicate you thinking your having hallucinations. This happened last year. I was being admitted for bipolar depression issues and my mom who was with me at the time told the doctor about my ghost issue. It was put into my chart that I was seeing things and was put on antipsychotics which did absolutely nothing about the attacks. I ended up having to lie saying the attacks stopped so I could be let go to go home.

I contacted a ghost research crew who came in. Although nothing was visably caught on tape, both the researchers had experienced activity first hand. The one guy sitting right next to me put his hand right next to where I was sitting and could feel the seat raising and falling. But not enough to be able to see on camera. The woman holding the camera freaked out when the ghost grabbed her hand. But again, it wasn't visable. All there was, was her saying "Someone just grabbed my hand".

This whole mess started in September 2010. I had just lost my apartment across town when my friend I was spliting rent with died. My mom offered for me to rent a room from her. When I first moved in in August I was in the smaller room and all was fine. A month later the larger room was open so I switched rooms as really the smaller one was quite cramped.

A month later the activity started with just the bed moving. Just raising and lowering gently. Having grown up with some level of spirit activity I didn't care about the bed moving. Actually it felt like a message so I didn't mind. The spirit wasn't bothering me so I could care less if it stayed. But a little over a year later the activity turned sexual and rapes began. I am raped between once or twice a day. When that's not happening, I am being touched in some way. Either being fondled or have my cheeks spread open and touching the area. That goes on most of the day.

I have tried everything I can to make the activity stop. Moving isn't a option for two reasons. One is money, I barely can cover the rent. I don't have the income to cover first, last, deposit, moving truck, turn of fees for utilities and such. And the second reason is I don't think moving would work. The attacks are not JUST when I am in the house. This ghost follows me. The last time I was admitted to the psych hospital, due to my county not having one of their own I am transported to Sacramento which is a 3 1/2 drive from here one way. The ghost was with me the whole ride in the car and stayed with me the full 12 days in the hospital and was in the car the whole ride home. I am never away from it.

Which brings me finally to my point of the e-mail. Right now I am dealing with depression. Not that it's really shocking concidering. But part of it is due to the PTSD as well. The flashbacks and nightmares have gotten worse again. Then on top of the ghost attacks which keep me from falling asleep. Hard to sleep with someone touching you like that. So I am so drained and tired. All of it together is causing me to have thoughts of suicide to make it all stop.

And I know "go to the hospital" right? Not that easy for me. Abuse in the psych ward is what caused my PTSD. Most of the abuse, the worst of it, happened in children's units. But I have had a good share in adult units as well. So I have severe anxiety attacks just being near a hospital. Being admitted is a HUGE ordeal.

I was just concidering going to the ER last night, ONLY concidering and had a bad anxiety attack. My stomach got all tensed up and felt like someone was trying to pull my guts out. I am so afraid of being harmed yet again. Which only feeds the feelings of ending my life with thoughts like "this is the only way to get peace".

I just don't know what to do. The PTSD is already hard enough to deal with. But at least there are times with the PTSD that I can manage ok. With this ghost issue there is no peace. No place to run where I can hide. And I don't know who to call for help. I have called a paranormal group, had the house blessed, tried crystal grids, tried begging it to leave me alone, tried yelling and ordering it to leave my house.

I am out of ideas. If it was only when at home I would try to get my room mates to move with me so I could work with them to afford to move. But because the ghost doesn't bother them, they think it's all in my head. It makes me wonder too. Why bother me and not them? I just don't get it. Anyway, thanks for the ear. As I said, I didn't know where to post something like this. I just don't know what to do.

-Stanley