If abstinence from orgasm works for you and if that's the bit that needs 're-programming' then its worth a try... In my case, I stopped worrying about whether that happened or not - that was the part where the images or words would be in my mind, and I ended up thinking I would rather not 'get there' at all, call it short or just enjoy it without climax and be present the whole time than 'get there' with that in my mind, so I guess it's the same thing as what you are suggesting only I didn't think of it that way!! I felt like even in the most intimate of moments, I was hiding what was in my mind from him, and I almost felt disrespectful to him being like that.

But that is quite specific and in general, I think of it all as more of a slow, systematic, non-linear process of slowly disentangling your own sexual identity from the role of the victim or the object, including all the affection and the other physical interaction around it (but not always managing to disentangle it like others have said). We've all been taught that our worth is wrapped up with our sexual performance, in literal ways and in underlying and deep-rooted ways, and Like Autumn I've sought out these either very ungratifying or downright abusive or exploitative relationships because of not knowing any other way to be. It's easy to see it in the much more positive relationship I'm in now, but I just can't believe that I have been having such bad sex my whole life (!) - not just bad as in not enjoyable, but bad as in bad for me emotionally because of the associations, destructive, extractive, and so on. And I thought that was, as the previous poster said, just what people did... It is almost like seeing in colour instead of black and white...

But I don't know, I'm still learning about how to do this properly and not lapse into that strange head space or performance mode. It's a tough job... Sometimes it works and sometimes not.