Thanks so much for responding Maven. It's interesting what you said about societal conditioning. It bothers me that I seem to have bought into that in some way... expecting that I deserve a certain kind of treatment because of the way I look. My mum used to say to me when I was little, "pretty is as pretty does" and I believe that. So, I don't like that I'm feeling so petulant about all of this. I feel like a spoilt brat who didn't get what she wanted and is having a tantrum... even though she wasn't sure she wanted it at all... she's upset that she can't have it... because she should be able to have whatever she wants. Know what I mean? Not a very appealing side of myself I'm being faced with.

The date we went on wasn't the first time we had had long chats. He has gotten to know me very well over the past 7 months... spending lunches together at the office, driving home, socializing with a group of colleagues (but mainly talking to me). I guess that's part of why I was surprised by the "no sparks" thing. I don't imagine it's something he just figured out last Saturday night. He's still interested in e-mailing me and wanting to go out. So, it appears that he likes my personality and likes talking with me. So, it must be that he's just not attracted to how I look. That's hard for me to deal with. I'm used to guys liking me for how I look and have gotten fed up when they're not interested in getting to know who I am. It seems to be switched this time and it's very unfamiliar to me.

We're going out with some friends next week to celebrate a birthday. I'm afraid it's going to be strange and awkward. I'm still so confused by all that happened... and by how nonchalant he seems about it, while I'm a freaking mess.