Thanks for the compliment, Juliana.

Everyone's described OCD very well. When I'm having especially bad OCD and anxiety, thoughts just swim very fast in my head. Like a few days ago, when I was hot, because it was hot and the air conditioner wasn't up enough. My thoughts were going basically like this, with a lot of irritability, upset and on the verge of crying:

I hate being so hot, why do I have to be so hot? I hate being hot because I feel so skanky and I want a shower but I don't feel like going through everything I have to take a shower. I told my bf over and over that being too hot affects me this way, why won't he listen? I hate not being able to feel clean and that makes me feel more irritated and that makes me upset and getting upset makes me sweat and then I get hotter and more upset and more irritable and I can't feel clean, why do I have to be like this? D*** it! I just want to f***ing be left alone and just have some peace and do stuff and relax. Why couldn't my bf just do this one little thing, open the window so I could be cool and relax, he just doesn't understand, and it's so simple and now I just spend all this time feeling dirty and my shirt is sweaty and I'm skanky and it's awful!

Just on and on like that.

When I do my rituals, I have to concentrate so as not to make a mistake, or I might have to start over or do that part over. I used to spend hours washing, but luckily, I'm much better now, so it only takes a few minutes. Still, my OCD affects just about everything, including wiping gunk out of my eyes (I have dry eyes), so I have to do it a certain way, in certain numbers, and I try not to touch my eyes until I'm going to be washing my hands, because the stuff in my eyes makes me feel dirty if I get it on my hands or other places.

Just the way I look at some things is affected by my OCD. I might feel I have to look away to the left a couple of times, to a certain point, and if I look too far or not far enough over, I have to correct it and do it again, but it has to be a number of times that feels "right" to me.