I lived with a guy who was bipolar but wouldn't get treatment. I know what a roller coaster that can be. Fortunately, he wasn't abusive towards me.

You need to find the strength to get away from your husband. The title of this thread makes it sounds like you think you HAVE to stay. It sounds like since you decided to stay at one point, you consider it a done deal -- a permanent situation. It doesn't have to be permanent, though. I can only imagine how hard it is, but I hope you can find the strength to get some help. Maybe you could talk to a counsellor at a women's shelter? You're worth more than you give yourself credit for. You deserve better. It sounds like your husband has taken away a lot of your belief in yourself, but the fact that you're writing about it shows that you recognize it's a bad situation and you're terribly unhappy. Only you can takes steps to make things better. It's so hard to take those steps, but when we make our own happiness a priority, it can give us strength. Sometimes you need to do it one little step at a time. Other times, a quick move is best. You need to decide what's best for you. I hope you find the strength to get out of your current situation.