I don't think I've totally accepted it, even though logically I know it's true. So I take meds because I'm listening to logic, but the emotional part of me wants to reject the label and the meds. I waiver between seeing all the ways bipolar has affected every area of my life, and thinking that the diagnosis is a big over reaction and misunderstanding. I like to blame stress for all my major episodes - and they usually are triggered by stress, which leads to no sleeping, which leads to me going off the rails. But I question myself that maybe I am just labeling a bit of a strong reaction to stress, and maybe the hypomania is an excuse for some bad behavior. My pdoc tells me she is sure I am bipolar, because normally people don't react to stress by doing really crazy things. I don't know, all the evidence says bipolar, so I have to believe it. But my therapist doesn't think I'm bipolar. He thinks my reactions and experiences are due to trauma, and my behaviors have been my choice. I don't know which explanation is scarier. If it's all my choices, then why have I burnt my life to the ground so many times - I build it up, and burn it down, over and over. Right now I am building it up, but I'm afraid of the next time I loose control, if there is a next time.

Kind of rambling... My point is I still need to work on acceptance.