i think if i knew the end date, i'd feel like i could make it. right now i'm trapped in an endless black and since it's always been this way except for a brief 18 months when a med (not an antidepressant) worked i don't know any different. i had to come off it and when i was able to get back on it didn't work like it did. after tons and tons of antidepressants i'm not hopeful there's anything else to try.

if someone even said 'two more years' i'd bawl, but at least i'd know that i just have to make it two more years and i'll be okay. i just wish i knew if i'd ever get the chance i had before to know what semi-normal feels like