Wow. This one really hits home. I had a similar upbringing (dad doesn't drink nor abusive but is extremely manipulative and self centered). Though now I recognize the damage he has done, I didn't know I was being damaged to begin with. All the rules and ploys he created seemed perfectly reasonable and logical.

Mom was more of an absent parent. She was the one who quietly wept in the corner all the time. Dad yelled at her and we always thought that he was right because she should know better than making him angry.

To a certain extent, I took pride in being able to manipulate my father, to say what he wanted to hear and get what I wanted. It was only later that I realized that that was a result of the abuse too.

My brother got studied and got a job away from home. He's been living away for almost 6 years. So it was upto me to protect my younger sister (younger by 9 years) from dads anger. Though we all live under the same roof (I'm 27 years and it isn't uncommon for kids to live with their parents till they get married), my parents haven't spoken to each other for almost 3 years. They haven't slept in the same room for 10 years. And my dad slowly started replacing me for mom. To cook for him when they rowed, to keep the house clean, to come back home early from school to tend to him (he is the type who sits on the couch all day and gets served hand and foot). For a while I did it just to keep the peace in the house.

My mom watched but didn't say anything. And that was the part which sucked the most.
Stay strong breezy~day. Because it's all about taking the power he has back. That's slowly what's happening now at my place. Sis has got a scholarship to a really good college and I'm thinking of taking a job away from "home". My brother and me will pitch in and support my mom to live separately. Though it's a slow process, I think it's imperative to gain that sort of control over your own life.