Hello guys and gals. I'm here to tell about my severe clinical depression and how its ending my life at the age of 17.

As I small boy in middle school I was always very excited, I played in the band and was the star drummer, everyone knew me, I won awards, after awards. My band director did almost everything to get my in the spot light, I performed solos at every concert, and soon expanded my talent to other percussion style instruments other then the common snare drum.

In the 7th grade I began to become overwhelmingly down, sad none stop. My mother who takes paxil(20mg low) experinces slight mood changes and took me to our local family doctor. I didnt change dramiticly , I began taking simple anxiety meds, until it worsened and my local doctor told me of her own depression after her husbands suicide, I began taking anti-depressents.

Two years went by, I still acted like a kid, never showing my depression, altho it was sometimes unbareable, to think a 8th grader has to leave class to cry in the bathroom, well thats not pleasent, I was always mature in the mind, I acted like a 20 year old very soon after my depressioin kicked in, studying it trying to figure it out.

Now fast-forwarding to my 9th grade year entering highschool changed even more so. Highschool is extremely difficult for everyone in some way, over dramtic, and a playhouse for horny teenagers who do drugs to relieve hormonial distress, except for me. I went staying on course as I did in middle school. I joined band, later quitting after being called, the usual highschool labels, i had no part of it.

I soon began to realize my depression had no reason , other then some ******** medical diagonisis a doctor gave me. I began seeing a new medical doctor in 2004, she asked whats meds(antideprssents) I had taken and prescribed new ones, later begging me to go to a phycologist. After 6months or so I gave in.

I began seeing a local psycologist . Very nice man, intelligent, and upbeat. Session after session I knew these professionals too, did not understand.

I then looked into it myself, I said why I am I misserable? I've lost alot of family my grandfather,my grandmother,my aunts,uncles, the ones i loved, espcially my grandfather who i called morning after morning before school up until his death. Then I took a look, do i have friends? So so I suppose friends like love are over used but none the less I have them.

I then figured out the deaths, werent a key in the depression. I wasn't mourning, or dwelling. After 1 year of therapy I swichted doctors, seeing not only a new psycologist but alsos a psyciatrist, I was recommended anything from zoloft to wellbutrin. As well as a female therapist. I began seeing her under the influence females as ppl say are more sensative and caring, she was but was too quite and overwhelmingly rude to my depression. Calling it irrational. I then asked what is irrational about my depression?

I am extremely peaceful, I love all creation, I'm nice, and for a guy extremely different. I cry,laugh, and anger whilst most guys only do 2 of those, you all know which that is. While that is sterotype its the common difference in the sexes.

I began seeing yet again a new therapist recently, this is of course fast forwarding, in between I took dozens of meds and layed off treatmenet. This new therapist is the BEST supposed therapist in the area, extremely funny,caring, and smart his name is Edd, I've saw him for 6 weeks, wwith little success. (Here's a quick note also I forgot to mention. Recently I began opening up to family, friends, and the internet(2 years) my friends shoved me away, family loved me but couldnt understand and the internet, well its in between). I spoke to him about all my problems, which I didnt know he says I have a wise mind of a 70 year old yet a body of a teenager, something which harms intereaction with my peers.

I quickly noticed its not just teens, its adults who are afraid, and shove me away. Anyway I've typed enough, lately my dreams have taken over, I've been having nightmares its insane. What i mean is the dream I have in my sleep is so so happy then when I awake I find its a dream, I've been in love, or shoved away from therapists, anyway. I'm threw I dont feel like typing anymore.