I've come to the conclusion that I have a problem with addiction. I'm at least addicted to cigarettes but I think I'm also codependent. Possibly, at the very least, in a dysfunctional/borderline abusive relationship...

About 7 years ago, I read Allen Carr's book to try to stop smoking and I stopped for almost 4 years. Not a single smoke in all that time and then I started again. Been smoking for the last 2.5-3 years. For several months before I started, I was almost haunted internally with thoughts of smoking. It got to the point where I just knew I would fail. What happened?

I've been bothered by this the whole time. Even tried to read the book again but I was too disillusioned

Now I just read it again and stopped smoking 3 days ago. And it's been....somewhat different. The only real effort appears to be mental. It's all mental for me. I'm scared of the addiction mindset - the one that says I like smoking. I enjoy it. Life is dull without it. I'll never deal with stress well so it's only a matter of time cause I'm weak. All these things are lies for me but they seem SO real.

I am still trying to work out why I started up again after 4 years smoke free. I am thinking I missed a central message when I read the book. I didn't believe it. I thought I had to have a substitute ie food, internet, etc. I used willpower - at least initially. Once I broke the habit piece and physiological triggers etc. it got easier and easier. But I stayed vulnerable. I was vulnerable and that's how I started up again. I don't want to be vulnerable like that so am trying to wrap my brain around the concept of just stopping without willpower. Like changing my mind - to where I don't want to smoke. Because I really don't - it contributes greatly to my mental stuff.

I just needed to get this out there....Anyone relate?