well after two days of actually feeling normal to good... Things caught up with me last night and I started to feel low.

Woke up at 4:30 am feeling suicidal. Ended up self harming before seeking help. Had to beg to not be put on observations (and withdrawal of escorted walks off ward) as my dog was coming today.

Haven't stopped thinking of dieing all day though. Exhausted right now.

Saw dog and that was nice