Hi Moonkin. I can relate to what you're talking about. You have an old soul. I do too. From the time I was very, very young I had the mind of someone much older. You are extremely bright and articulate and sensitive. All of those things come across in your post. Those are all positive things, but they also often go hand-in-hand with depression and anxiety.

I was like you when I was a child and a teenager. I overthought everything. My mind never stopped. I was very good at putting on a happy face for the world and no one knew about how I felt inside. So, I'm very glad that you have gone to therapists. I know it's frustrating that they haven't helped you much, but it is a good thing that you're opening up -- to friends and family and on-line.

I still overthink things and I still get depressed, but it's not as bad as it was when I was younger. I don't know if it's that my hormones levelled out or that I learned how to cope, but I did seem to outgrow the depression. My bouts with depression ended when I was in my early 20s and I didn't go through a depressive period again for about 10 years. I have gotten depressed twice since then, but my periods of no depression last much, much longer than my periods of being depressed. I don't have the continuous feelings of being down like I did when I was your age and I have found a medication that works for me... Sometimes it take ages to find something that actually works. So, don't give up hope. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but your life isn't over. Your soul may be old, but you are still young and your life is beginning... and it can get much, much better.

As for not having any external reasons for being depressed, well, that's what depression does to us. We don't need to have horrid things going on around us because the horrid things are happening in our mind. When I get depressed, I try to remember that I'm wearing my *****-coloured glasses. I am seeing everything through a negative, ugly filter. I try to remind myself that the filter of depression makes everything ugly and horrible. It's my perception, not my life, that is a mess. I also remind myself that that filter can lift and the *****-coloured glasses can come off. I try to remind myself that I will see the light again and I will be happy again... and so will you. I know it's so damn hard to believe that when you've been struggling for so long, but there is hope. Please do not give up hope. You are so clever and insightful and thoughtful. Someday, those things will work for you rather than against you.