Thanks Sabau. I don't think I'm going to talk to him about this. I get the sense that he's just not comfortable talking about feelings. I e-mailed him back when he told me there was no spark -- thanked him for his honesty and told him I understand that the spark is an elusive thing. I guess from his perspective it's all done and dusted, and things are back to "normal." It's fortunate that we don't work together anymore.

I don't know why this is on my mind so much. Maybe it's because it's a 4-day weekend and I just have too much time to think. I think I suffer from WAD (Weekend Affective Disorder -- I made that up). I always tend to feel worse about things on weekends. When my mind isn't busy and occupied by other things, like work, I overthink things.

You might be right about the fight or flight response. That was my ex-boyfriend's take on it. He said it sounded like this guy had taken things as far as he felt comfortable with and got freaked out when I told him I had a crush on him. He also said the guy wouldn't have spent so much time with me and acted in the way he did if he didn't have some sort of interest in me. So, he wasn't surprised that I was feeling confused. He said I shouldn't beat myself up about being bad at reading people because I was sent some very confusing signals.

He said it sounds like this guy just isn't emotionally capable of having a relationship, or doesn't feel comfortable enough with me to get any closer. I know he had PTSD and I assume there are some issues going on with him -- just from the way he behaves and the fact that he's 41 and living with his mother. It suggests that we're not on the same level socially or emotionally. My ex-boyfriend jokingly told me that my mistake was stepping out of my usual passive-aggressive approach and being direct... because passive-aggressive always works so well for me. Maybe he's right.

Oh well, live and learn, I guess. Dating sucks. I decided to be open to a relationship with this guy because I thought it would be safe and there would be little chance of me getting hurt. I found him totally non-threatening and I didn't feel all head-over-heels for him like I have with guys in the past. That felt more comfortable and safe to me at this point in my life. I was trying to take a RATIONAL approach to dating; that's new for me. I have a fear of guys judging me when they find out I had agoraphobia. I feel like I'm not the person I was before I got sick, so I guess I thought that if I went with someone safe -- someone who had also struggled with mental illness -- it would be easier. I'm insecure about letting people know about the agoraphobia and the financial problems (debt) I have because I was sick for 4 years. I still feel like I have a lot to offer in terms of my personality and who I am, but I have insecurities that I didn't have before I got sick. I know that I look a lot like the same person I was before I got sick. I'm reasonably attractive, well-dressed, outgoing, have a very good job, etc., but I feel like I'm hiding these shameful secrets. There is stuff in my personal life that wasn't there before and I worry about being judged and rejected because of those things. So, I felt more comfortable with someone who had struggled with some of the same issues.