People don't understand... they feel sorry for you, that's all they do and that's all they can do. They can't "feel" the loneliness or they can't see what you see. They don't understand how certain images make the hair on your arms stand up, they can't understand the "goose bumps" that appear and the heavy breathing and then the tears that just start. That thousand yard catatonic stare and the tears that pour out of your eyes with no emotion. Usually I'm in the bathroom with my face in the sink running the water so no one sees it. I'm lucky I guess because I don't really cry or maybe I don't think I do. I'm trying to remember the last time I was laughing, maybe its a year now. My friends all say I've aged tremendously in the past year more than ever. Maybe its the anger inside but I just think they just don't understand and they are not able to. I thought moving would change things, but now after a year I'm starting to get scared.