You are behaving PERFECTLY normal; in fact you're being super accommodating and a great daughter by putting so much effort into talking to them and trying to arrange visits!

Their guilting you is a form of manipulation. Have they always been manipulative or is this just their reaction towards you leaving home?

Set your boundaries and don't cave in. If you want to stay in town, stay in town. If you want to go home then go home if it's possible. The fact is - they say NOW that they have no birthday plans to try and get you to go home now... but you can almost bet on it that they'll try to get you to go back for his birthday too, even if you hadn't said a word about planning on it.

My parents still have trouble with me keeping my distance - and I started university 10 years ago. My family life wasn't healthy to start with, so I massively reduced contact for my own sanity. It was great for me, but they really fought with it. I still get guilt trips about not coming to visit (I live in a different province from them now!)... I'm at the point where if they tell me to visit, I tell THEM to visit as they've never once came to visit anywhere I've lived. Fair's fair, right? haha.

Not everyone lives with families who are manipulative. Many families understand that their children are individuals and not extensions of them, and thus understand the necessity of gaining more and more independence. You're making healthy choices bluedolphin, and there is nothing more that you can or need to be doing outside of standing your ground!