Quote:
Originally Posted by Supanova
What a situation to be in! 
I know first hand the effect of sudden geodon withdrawl, it is not pleasant let alone without the rest going on. I am proud of you for coping so well so far.
Im the last person to suggest inpatient, I think it can do more harm than good in some cases - such as yours with people using it as an escape and holiday from their life and not learning to cope without it. But it is still necessary at times.
When things get so bad you are a real risk to yourself (more than basic self harm), that is when it is time to go. (And yes, I know I should take my own advice with that, I get so anti hospital and anti meds during my episodes)
PRN meds can be really helpful, do you have any thing at all you can take to help you get through? A small amount of Clonazepam will not kill you in overdose, so if you can get it it will be helpful, maybe ask for a week supply at a time. PRN antipsychotics like seroquel or zyprexa can help too, might make the withdrawls a little more bearable. You'd have to take a hell of a lot of seroquel to cause death, so again a weeks supply at a time is safe. And knowing that it will not cause death is usually enough for me to not od.
What skills have you been using to keep yourself safe and linked with reality? I find it helpful to list what I have tried, what has helped a little and what hasnt helped at all. It makes me see that sometimes some of the coping skills do help instead of feeling like a complete lost cause with nothing bringing any relief at all. That way I can also check up on here what skills others have used and I havent (for example the colouring book from Migels Mum while in crisis, a skill I knew but had forgotten to try in the stressful situation).
Thinking of you and hope you can get through. |
My current pdoc does not believe in using APs as prns. Especially since I'm trying to titrate up on a new ap. I am sure I could wrestle klonopin out of her but she won't be there until Tuesday. Tuesday I will be getting the first injection on invega sustenna. I've been taking Benadryl to keep me calm since I used up all the vistaril and it's similar. I know it's weird but it works and whatever works at this point, right?
You're right abou maybe writing down skills that work. I know when I get worked up guided imagery and progressive muscle relaxation seem to help. My brain is like total mush right now so I can't even remember other skills I've tried. Lucky for me that means I can't make any plans either because I can't get past ok I want to overdose...on what? Oh that's too much work to figure out what.
I feel more profoundly depressed today which is actually safer because I'm too depressed to make any effort to hurt myself although the thoughts and images are still there in my mind. I did manage to wash my hair, take my son outside before it got hot, and even accompany my husband to get something to eat. I ate half a salad and half a roll. That's good.
My husband is being so supportive this time. Much more supportive than any other time. I think it's because he knows what it's like to be in my shoes now because of his addiction. Obviously it's not the same but he knows what it's like to be out of control of something and to have to fight so hard every day....
Hey mm, I am being honest with my treatment team, hence why they have started talking about inpatient. I lost my ability to lie to treatment professionals a long time ago...I guess because I don't want to lie, I want to get better.
I just need to hold on. It has to get better. I don't want to die. It's just my brain telling me that I do.