I wish I had some suggestions but I don't. I just want to say you aren't alone. Like you I have an alphabet of conditions. Personally I hate doctors because some of my worst problems were caused by docs. I can't trust doctors to help me because they've caused such major problems.

Life hurts. Pain management specialists I've known don't help at all. I buy opiates from a neighbor kid who's in high school. That helps a lot, but I don't like to do it.

Yeah, I don't have the strength to end it all - but if something happened, I'd be grateful. When I'm in a car I always think about how nice it would be if a truck hit just my side of the car. (I don't drive)

Hang in there - we never know what the future holds. Sending you good wishes.