What's bothersome in my case is the idea that under the Glorious American Way(tm), I have to have some grand, overarching supreme purpose at all times, and must constantly measure my success or failure against how close to or far off I am in achieving it. Nothing's said about multiple smaller purposes achieved in smaller steps.

I liken my depression and verbal self-abuse to being in a tear gas chamber -- and being expected to consent to remain there because I deserve to be. (For those unfamiliar: CS tear gas is only an irritant -- just the severest one ever made. Since it doesn't destroy tissue, its pain can be prolonged indefinitely.) Right now my "purpose" is to get the (bad word) out of the chamber and into fresh air; any "higher" purpose is a luxury until then.

One thing for sure: Being an atheist is liberating in that I can't stand being spoon-fed purpose by religious "authorities." And no, atheism does NOT give me license to behave abhorrently.