I'm not talking about being young and constantly required to slow down, dumb down, be less, dont challenge,.

I didn't have a functioning gifted adult female who could help me learn to avoid triggering other peoples unhappiness when they felt not so smart around me. My mother loved the television show Columbo. . She didnt know how to be an unusually intelligent woman in the suburbs without going crazy. I had no one to teach me.

No one likes to be around someone who can see through them. I know i feel uncomfortable around a profoundly gifted cousin and literally wanted to cry when I noticed two bolshoi trained ballet teachers, and gorgeous dancers they were too, watching me learn a piroette. I dont have body shame. I just wanted to push them out the door and close It in their faces and return to my class.

I know people i like and want to like me feel that about me.

Ive tried to rein in so I could fit in and I cant, and still remain functional. I only do violence to my own psyche and run down my own neurotransmitters.

This is the cause of my getting PTSD instead of being resilient i adolescence. That and having a Kant for a mother. But I know she was what she was in part because she too didn't know how to fit in, a profoundly gifted suburban housewife with few friends, because she could be as pleasant and friendly as she could be and never mention anything other than what they all had in common and use their exact vocabulary, and they still felt inferior. Her few friends were like her.