I am sorry you are having difficulties. I don't think it is anorexia as you admit you are eating, just not healthy eating. how bad is it...is it all candy and sweets and potato chips or are you eating real food in there to, just stuff you are not supposed to be eating? it may be your fears thinking you are going to be force fed. or maybe I don't have enough of the story from what you wrote. I encourage you to talk to your dr. you seem to have slipped off track. what is it going to take to get back on track? just writing this post indicates that you realize you have a problem and you want to do something about it. you just seem scared of the steps you have to take or the consequences of getting off track. you have got yourself in a good place before so I am confident that you can get yourself back there. set small goals for yourself. one step at a time. take care.