I am obviously not doing too well at all- at the moment anger is taking a hold of me
I feel so sorry for my kids
I do not mean to take it all out on them
But they are the ones who are there right in front of me
Everything they do seems to infuriate me
I am doing what I did in my last bad cycle- distnacing myself from them; hiding on the computer; sending them off to play
In a few minutes I have promised them a walk round the block
But it's not enuf
They need all the love and attention they deserve
But i am struggling sooo much
Their loser father never saw them last sunday and isn't seeing them this sunday (today)
I have only had 3 weekends off since Christmas, and as 1 of those was when i was in hospital it doesn't really count
I know things are going to get worse before they get better
I have even warned my boss of that
But what about the girls
I really hope that by writing this and getting it out it may ease things a bit
For their sake as much as for mine
I'm not being too horrible with them
Just telling them off for anything and everything
And not giving them the attention they need
It's all so much of an effort tho
But the timers just gone off- i set it so they would know when i was taking then out
Yesterday morning was good- we baked all morning
The afternoon was terrible- I got them picked up so I could have some time out- I should have been spending time with them myself
Ahhh, feeling calmer now
Ready for some fresh air and a walk
I'M SO SORRY KIDS