Hello I.Am.The.End. I very much related to your post. There are others out there like you who feel like a "social outcast." I've felt that way a long time... I still do somewhat.

You can be proud of being unique, but I bet the pain of not being close to another person makes it not worth it sometimes.

Reading your text, you sound very intelligent. From what I've heard and read, most people with high intelligence feel different from everyone else... Jus' sayin...

You seem to connect fine over the internet. It does seem like a miscommunication or expression problem. Did you know there are mental disorders that cause the person to feel alienated? Many of them do, even though the person may be very high functioning (often higher functioning than "normal" people), and may live in much more emotional pain because of this. You may want to talk to a therapist more about this. It's hard, and it's hard to get over your inner rejection of this idea. I don't know how you feel, but I didn't like my first session of therapy. I thought the therapist was only putting me down and belittling my feelings, so I decided not to go back. However, over time, I was convinced I had something I needed to work out with a therapist. I then realized that the woman didn't do anything wrong like that purposely, and it was my own distrust of people who get close to me stopping myself from progressing. So now I continue.

I understand if you don't, but can you elaborate more on your physical and mental ailments? Maybe some people could understand it. If you don't want to, please ignore this.

You are also musically minded? Great! Please forgive me if I make music sound cheesy by calling it "musically minded," I'm not always great with words. Anyways, that sounds like a stress relief. Can you express yourself through music? People who may not be able to show their feelings can show it through other ways.

If you want to become a teacher, I don't think great connection skills are actually necessary. Maybe a little, but I found that people have such high respect for college professors that they'll listen to them no matter how "funny" or "strange" they are.

Please take everything I say with a grain of salt. You know yourself best, and I respect that. I wish you luck.